We’ve all seen it before. While there’s guys who have bodies covered in hair both front and back, there are those at the same time who can barely even manage a decent stubble. Nature is unjust and the lack of balance seems unfair.
On top of this, it seems like recently the whole world is obsessed with facial hair. Hordes of articles, how to guides, books, bibles, videos with guys stroking their beards, all talking about the same thing, growing long, thick and strong beards.
If you find yourself to be in the minority of guys who are simply follicly-challenged, here are 11 things you may be able to relate to:
Macho stereotypes concerning beards have been around for centuries, unfortunately. Being able to grow a long beard is seen as the ultimate outward expression of masculinity and that leaves the beardless without any cover when it comes to being judged for being less than macho.
You try to deny it but the fact that you can’t grow a beard seems to be on the back of your mind constantly when you’re with the guys and it turns into the inevitable pissing contest.
Seeing a clean shaven action hero on screen gives you hope that someday people will just stop and realise the truth – Men don’t need beards to be men.
A good thing to keep in mind is that clean shaven look looks more slick in most cases and it looks much better than a unkempt beard.
You’ve been waiting a long time
Remember back in school, when you were 12 or 13, and your friend told the whole class he had shaved to try and make his beard thicker when it eventually grows out.
You and your friends all knew you were too young to have beards or shave yet but that didn’t stop any of you from giving it a go a couple times. While for some the wait for a thick beard lasted a year or two for you it seems like you are still waiting at your 30s.
There are some cases however, that growing a beard takes more time for some men than others. Try to include food in your diet that promotes beard growth and exercise more often to boost your testosterone levels.
When you finally see some growth, its disappointing
You know how it is. You give up shaving entirely and check your face in the mirror daily to see what’s been happening. Eventually you will notice something sprout up on your face but it might be a patchy beard.
You can consider waiting a little more to see if it gets better but unfortunately, there are many chances that it won’t. You then realize that it’s best to just shave and be done with it than continue looking at it in the mirror.
Again, patchy beard doesn’t make a very good impression, It’s better to get a close shave, look slick and well groomed.
November – Movember
Don’t even get me started on this month. Having a day dedicated to staches and beards would have been bad enough, but a WHOLE MONTH! Who’s idea was that? Why can’t guys just donate to charity in private?
There’s a lot reasons why you might dread this month but looking like you’ve simply made no effort by the end of the month seems to be the worst thing about it.
Plus there’s the constant questioning about when you started growing a mustachio or if you even know what “Movember” is all about?
You look around at all the guys you know who love being clean shaved all year round suddenly grow a thick instant-mustache in a week or two.
On a more serious note, Movember is a male “celebration” that needs to be embraced and supported by all men.
You hate guys who talk about their beards.
“It takes forever to shave man!” he says, “I’m like that guy in Evan Almighty, my beard grows so quickly, I look like a caveman if I don’t shave every day.”
You just want to punch him in the face don’t you?
There’s always that guy who doesn’t get how lucky he is to have a choice between having a beard or not. You know you would trade places with him in a heartbeat. Here you feel like you’ve been robbed of a birthright and there he is complaining about it. You really are one in a million, you simply wish you weren’t.
Your bearded friends try giving you advice
- Are you washing your face often? Yes
- Applied hair growth products? Yup!
- Tried eating more protein? Oh Yes.
- Tried rubbing brandy onto your cheeks? Wait…what?
It seems like you’ve tried everything and it simply doesn’t work. Plus the advices just seem to keep coming from every single guy you know. Sometimes the advice is actually helpful and at times it’s completely bizarre. But at the end of the day you’ve just accepted that your face will never look like theirs and that’s okay.
The jokes…oh god, the jokes
When the advices stop the jokes start and thats even worse.
“Hey, you’ve got something on your face. Oh wait, nevermind!”
“When does puberty hit you exactly?”
and many more offensive jokes which you’ve probably heard before. People can be mean, women especially.
Don’t let them get to you, instead come up with witty comebacks for next time you come across a stupid comment.
Women can’t stop talking about beards being hot
It’s all over the internet. Women love beards almost as much as tall guys! In fact, when the lead actor in “Fifty Shades of Grey” was forced to shave for the role a lot of women commented on how he wasn’t hot anymore. But hey, maybe its a trend and you know what that trends come and go right?
Perpetual Boy-Face Syndrome
You know growing a beard will make you look a lot older and mature. But being challenged in the beard department means you constantly get mistaken for someone younger.
Things get worse when you get asked for ID when buying booze or entering a club.
Perpetual boy face syndrome – the struggle is real. You just hope your true age starts showing on your face without a beard soon.
You constantly fantasise about having one
Admit it, you keep wondering what life would be like with a ton of hair around your jaw.
You daydream about the styles you could sport or the way you would look in photos if you had a beard. You’ve absolutely been through a phase in life when it was all you could think about. Stay strong, it’ll pass.
You look for celebrities with the same problem to gain inspiration
James Franco, Adam Brody, Michael Cera and James Mcavoy all can’t grow beards and they’re famous celebrities so maybe its not all that bad right?
You seek inspiration from famous successful men who’ve done very well for themselves without a beard and that’s arguably healthy. Just look at the number of women crazy about James Franco and it doesn’t seem that big of a deal anymore.
Last but not least. You forget the last time you shaved
Most men can’t afford to go more than a few days without shaving before a glorious beard emerges and completely changes the way they look.
You, on the other hand, tend to forget how many days its been since you used a razor. Beard trimmer? You make me laugh. The patches of hair on your face grow so gradually you don’t even bother anymore.
Hey, you got better things to focus on, right?
Image Courtesy: olly2/Bigstock.com